top of page
Search

Support, Safety, and Hope for Survivors of Domestic Violence during the Holiday Season

Person standing quietly outdoors in winter holding a warm drink, reflecting during the holiday season

For many people, the holiday season is portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and togetherness. But for survivors of domestic violence and abuse, this period can feel heavy, isolating, and even dangerous. While the world celebrates, many are quietly surviving.


If the holidays bring anxiety rather than comfort, dread rather than excitement, or fear rather than peace, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not ungrateful. You are not weak. And you are not alone.

At Strength Of A Queen, we speak openly about the realities that often stay hidden. Domestic violence does not pause for Christmas. Abuse does not take a break for family gatherings. And healing does not follow a festive calendar.

This post is for you. Whether you are still living with abuse, have recently left, or are carrying the long-term impact of past harm, this space is for support, safety, and hope.


Domestic Violence During the Holidays: The Reality No One Talks About

Research and frontline services consistently show that domestic abuse often increases during holiday periods. In the UK, organisations such as Refuge and Women’s Aid report spikes in calls and online contacts during Christmas and New Year.

Refuge has confirmed that demand for their National Domestic Abuse Helpline increases over the festive period, particularly on Christmas Day and New Year’s Day, when support networks are limited and tensions can escalate.

The reasons are complex but well documented. Financial pressure, increased alcohol consumption, enforced proximity, disrupted routines, and social expectations all contribute. For those in controlling or abusive relationships, these pressures can intensify monitoring, manipulation, emotional abuse, or physical violence.

It is important to be clear. The holidays do not cause abuse. Abuse is about power and control. The season simply creates conditions where that control can tighten.


Why the Holidays Can Feel So Hard for Survivors

Even outside of active abuse, the holidays can be emotionally triggering for survivors.

You may notice heightened anxiety, low mood, irritability, or emotional numbness. You may feel pressure to perform happiness, to forgive, to show up for others while ignoring your own pain.

This is not a failure to heal. Trauma lives in the nervous system, not just memory. According to the NHS, traumatic experiences can resurface during times of stress, disruption, or emotional significance.

For many survivors, holidays are linked to past incidents of harm, family conflict, or emotional neglect. The body remembers even when the mind tries to move on.

Your response is a survival response. It deserves compassion, not criticism.


If You Are Still Living With Abuse This Holiday Season

One of the most harmful myths around domestic violence is the idea that leaving is always simple or immediately possible. In reality, many survivors remain in abusive situations due to safety risks, financial dependence, children, housing insecurity, immigration status, cultural pressure, or emotional trauma bonding.

If this is you, staying does not mean you are choosing abuse. It means you are navigating an extremely complex situation the best way you can.

At SOAQ, we believe in meeting survivors where they are.


Gentle Safety Considerations

Without overwhelming you, here are grounded, evidence-informed safety considerations supported by organisations such as Women’s Aid and Refuge:

  • Keep important documents accessible if it is safe to do so, such as ID, bank details, and medication.

  • If possible, have a trusted person you can contact, even if you do not explain everything.

  • Use private browsing or clear search history when accessing support online.

  • Trust your instincts. You know your situation better than anyone.

If immediate danger arises, call 999. If you cannot speak, press 55 when prompted. This silent solution is supported by UK police services. Source: UK Home Office, Silent Solution guidance.

Safety looks different for everyone. There is no single correct path.


Emotional Survival Is Just as Important as Physical Safety

Domestic violence is not only physical. Emotional abuse, coercive control, gaslighting, and psychological harm leave deep and lasting impacts.

During the holidays, emotional survival matters.

You are allowed to emotionally detach where needed. You are allowed to limit conversations, manage expectations internally, and protect your energy in small ways. You are allowed to find moments of peace even in difficult environments.

This might look like:

  • Stepping outside to regulate your breathing.

  • Grounding yourself through music, journaling, or prayer.

  • Reminding yourself quietly, “This is not my fault.”

  • Planning something for yourself, however small, that brings comfort.

These are not acts of selfishness. They are acts of self-preservation.


If You Have Left and the Holidays Still Hurt

Leaving an abusive relationship does not instantly remove the pain. In fact, holidays can amplify grief, loneliness, and self-doubt.

You may be grieving the family you hoped for. You may be navigating co-parenting with an abusive ex. You may be alone when you expected relief.

This does not mean you made the wrong choice.

Healing is not linear. According to Mind, a UK mental health charity, recovery from trauma can involve waves of emotion, particularly during anniversaries or emotionally charged periods. Source: Mind UK, trauma and recovery resources.

You are allowed to acknowledge both your strength and your sadness at the same time.


Reframing the Holidays on Your Own Terms

One of the most empowering shifts survivors can make is redefining what the holidays mean for them.

You do not have to follow traditions that harm you.

You do not have to attend gatherings that feel unsafe.

You do not have to explain your boundaries to people who refuse to respect them.


At Strength Of A Queen, we encourage survivors to create new meanings rooted in safety, choice, and self-respect.

This might mean:

  • Spending the day quietly.

  • Celebrating later, or differently.

  • Volunteering, resting, or focusing on healing rituals.

  • Simply surviving, and letting that be enough.

Your worth is not measured by your festive spirit.


Dark purple background with a lit candle in the centre

Support Is Available, Even When It Feels Like Everyone Else Is Busy

One of the hardest parts of the holidays is the illusion that support disappears.

In reality, help is still there.


UK Support Services


If you are outside the UK, local equivalents exist, and international directories are available via organisations such as the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

Reaching out does not mean you have to take action. It means you are not carrying this alone.


A Message From Strength Of A Queen

To every survivor reading this.

You are not weak for struggling during the holidays.

You are not broken for feeling conflicted.

You are not behind because healing takes time.

Your survival is evidence of your strength, even when you feel tired of being strong.


At Strength Of A Queen, we believe healing happens in community, in truth, and at your pace. Whether you are taking your first step, standing still, or catching your breath, you belong here.

There is hope beyond this season. Not the kind that ignores pain, but the kind that honours your journey and reminds you that your life is yours.


If You Need Support Right Now

If this post has brought up difficult emotions, please reach out to a trusted service or person.

You deserve care, compassion, and safety, today and every day.

If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

You are seen. You matter. And you are not alone this holiday season.





Comments

Rated 0 out of 5 stars.
No ratings yet
Add a rating
bottom of page